What About Gay Rights?

Interpretations of why Prop 8 and other proposals like them passed this year range from 'people of color' banded against gays to free flowing money from right-wing churches bought success. Blame is plentiful and as free flowing as money was from both sides of the proposition before the election. Prop 8 passed in, of all places, California. The gay rights community is now left to answer questions like why? Why did the proposition pass? How? How could such a defeat happen at a time when the country also elected its first African/American president?

The passing of Prop 8 reveals the ongoing challenges of racism and misogyny that the gay community faces. The passing of Prop 8 represents failure and these failures have to be recognized, addressed, and corrected before we will ever obtain equality in America.

We failed to make the moral case for why it is important for society to honor our committed relationships. Instead, we made the mistake of accepting the perception of our opposition and then building an answer in response. This means that we fought a losing battle of change. We tried to change the beliefs of another and lost. In so doing we lost sight of the fact that Americans have the right to believe what they want as long as their beliefs do not infringe on another person's rights. The real tragedy behind the passing of Prop 8 is that there is another crack in Thomas Jefferson's wall of separation.

We failed to communicate the ethical reasons why our life-long partners should have equal protection and equal privilege. Instead, we made the mistake of engaging the theological battle over whether or not marriage was meant to exist between two men or two women. This means that we fought another losing battle of change. We tried to change people's understanding of their religious dogma. In so doing, we lost sight of the fact that Americans can accept whatever religious dogma they choose as long as their dogma is not forced on the rest of us.

Marriage is both secular and religious. Secular marriage between same gender couples means that we will have the same legal protections and privileges as opposite gender couples. No religious group will be forced to perform a ceremony that contradicts their dogma. The real tragedy behind the passing of Prop 8 is that a particular religious dogma has been voted into law.

We failed to recognize our limitations and work to eliminate them. A major limitation that may be painful for white gay males to recognize is that they are often experienced by Blacks and Latino/as regardless of gender and orientation as self centered and less invested in addressing the oppression of people they see as others.

The world in which white gay men usually travel has virtually no external pressure to expand their world-view so that it includes people they see as different. Unlike women and people of color who are forced to understand and navigate the world of our oppressors, white gay men can decide when and if they see and address the oppression of others. In addition, they can decide when and if they acknowledge the times they benefit from an oppressive society.

We failed to see each other as equal partners and chose to treat each other as enemies. The legacies of racism and misogyny in the gay community have caused a great deal of damage in the past. That damage needs to be heard and reconciled. Through the years and today, gays have banded together and consistently used Black and Latino/a leaders only long enough to co-opt our ideas, passion, and work.

Just as many years, we have thrown down gauntlet after gauntlet demanding that racism be addressed and brought to an end in gay America. These gauntlets have yet to be picked up. Over the years and today, the leadership of women who love women have been consistently resisted or negated. We have been seen and treated as a means to promote or attain the agenda of white gay men. We have thrown our gauntlets down at the feet of gay America in our calls for recognition and equality within. Our gauntlets have yet to be picked up.

In Matthew 7:6, we are cautioned not give dogs what is sacred and not to throw our pearls to swine. We have decisions to make if we are going to change the direction our country appears to be heading in relation to gay rights. Do we grow up as a people, own our mistakes, and work together to correct them? Or, do we continue to take to the street and in so doing validate the likes of Fred Phelps with our sacred energy, attention, and presence? Do we listen to the ways we have excluded and colonized one another? Do we accept the effects of our actions? Or, do we continue to waste our pearls of intellect, vision, and passion on those whose hearts can only be changed by God?

Perhaps if we see that we have been giving dogs what is sacred all while the sacred among us have been ignored or silenced, we will stop picking up gauntlets thrown by the Fred Phelps of the world. Perhaps if we stop throwing our pearls to swine when the pearls among us continue to leave the community, we will find more honest ways to make our case for equality to the rest of America.

Reverend Deborah Elandus Lake, M.Div.